Things That Will Happen in 2015

This year is going to be interesting, not just for video games, but for just about everything. There's so much going on in the pop culture landscape this year that I'm sure we'll spend most of it just sitting back and enjoying our popcorn; then again, there's also some serious stuff looming on the horizon that we can't ignore.

So, here's rundown of my 2015 predictions, serious or otherwise.

John Cena will overtake Ric Flair for the most championships ever held.

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Roman Reigns will win at Wrestlemania. By the time Summerslam comes around, Vince McMahon will realize that Reigns may be an entertaining wrestler, but has zero personality and is a poor representative of the WWE. While he figures out who should get the belt next, he'll have Cena take it back at Summerslam, much to the fans' disappointment. Seth Rollins will finally cash in his Money in the Bank contract, possibly that night, and claim the belt, only to lose it back to Cena at Survivor Series. On paper, John Cena will be the winningest champion in professional wrestling history, and fans will walk away in droves. The only ones left will be kids and their reluctant parents, and we'll officially be back in the '80s.

EDIT: Rollins has to cash in before this year's Money in the Bank PPV, which will happen before Summerslam, so instead of fixing the whole statement, accept this as my correction: Reigns wins at Wrestlemania, Rollins cashes in that night or soon after, Cena beats Rollins at Summerslam, loses it in September, reclaims by year's end.

Campaigning for the next Presidential election will begin earlier than ever.

With much of America chomping at the bits for the day that a black man Barack Obama is finally out of the Oval Office, Republicans will be unable to sit on their campaign material for much longer and start playing up their Presidential hopefuls around the end of June. Unable to just sit back and watch, Democrats will do the same. Both sides will hammer us incessantly with campaign ads, infomercials, and flowery rhetoric for longer than ever before. Half of Congress will spend the latter half of the year on the campaign trail before the campaign trail is even a thing, making Congress even more useless than usual.

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We can kiss Net Neutrality goodbye.

I don't care how the FCC votes. By the end of they ear, the ISPs will have their way. They'll pull a bail-out bait-and-switch. They'll cry about how their profits are down and how they can't pay their employees. They'll fly their private jets to Washington, DC and take some key politicians out for $500 lunches all while explaining that they're so poor and need a bail-out—unless, of course, the FCC allows them to create tiered bandwidth allocation. Not wanting to face another bout of backlash like they did when they bailed out the banks—and with that early campaigning to worry about—Congress and the FCC will cave. By Labor Day, every ISP in the country will be charging a premium for content to be delivered at anything resembling a usable speed, and service like Netflix and Hulu will be passing the costs on to us, and we'll pay for it and like it because BOW TO CAPITALISM.

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The Witcher will become a pop culture phenomenon.

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The Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt will be released to rave critical reviews and overwhelming commercial success. The books will soar to the top of numerous bestseller lists. Netflix will secure a deal to produce an original series. FunKo will release a line of action figures in the vein of their Game of Thrones Legacy collection, just in time for Christmas. Dark Horse will announce an ongoing comic book. You won't be able to walk into a Books-A-Million or an FYE without seeing iPad covers, coffee mugs, Witcher medallions, and t-shirts. By year's end, even I will be sick of seeing Geralt's face.

Avengers: Age of Ultron will be disappointing.

Marvel Studios, drunk on their own power and cracking under their own weight, will believe themselves invulnerable to poor reviews and audience disinterest. Hence, once Age of Ultron releases, we'll see that the trailers lied to us, and what appeared to be a sprawling action-drama epic is really a hot mess of poor dialog and artificial conflict. It will prove to be more concerned with setting up the next movie than actually telling a story complete in and of itself, suffering from an over-saturation of characters and exposition for events that won't happen until 2017. It will break every box office record known to man and anyone who says anything negative about it will be taken from their home in the middle of the night never to be seen or heard from again.

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Image will be in firm position to be America's #1 comics publisher by the end of the year.

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With the New 52 effectively hobbling DC Comics and Convergence not doing a whole lot to save it, Marvel will also chop off their own legs with their kinda-sorta-not-really reboot. Fans will be frustrated with the new continuity, with all but the characters featured in their movies stripped away, and will slowly but surely jump ship. Image Comics will welcome disillusioned and disenfranchised Marvel and DC fans with open arms, supplying them with innovative and engaging comics by some of the industry's top talent. By year's end, the only non-Image books that will be selling in the six digits will be Daredevil, Guardians of the Galaxy, and anything with Batman's face on it. In a last ditch effort, DC will start putting Batman in every single one of their books. Even Batman fans will find it ridiculous, leaving DC with only one option to stay alive.

Warner Bros. will sell DC Comics to Disney, if not by year's end, soon after.

See above.

Nintendo will release their first game on a third party platform.

It will be a mobile game, probably a puzzle game, possibly a remake of Dr. Mario or Yoshi's Cookie. We will play it, we will love it, and that will inspire Nintendo to start working on the Nintendo Phone.

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Nintendo will announce the Nintendo Phone.

It won't be called the Nintendo Phone. It will be called the Nintendo Quest or something else dealing with travel/exploring/not staying home. Its tagline will be "It's dangerous to go alone, take this." It will basically be an iPhone, just with the Nintendo aesthetic we all know and love. Release date: 2017.

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Star Wars: The Force Awakens will blow everyone who isn't a Star Wars fan away.

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J.J. Abrams will give us a sprawling, visually spectacular sci-fi epic full of relationship drama and daddy issues. It will be a non-stop action-adventure but lack the charm of the original trilogy. Since its a Star Wars film in which George Lucas is not involved, however, everyone will love it and go on and on about how amazing it is and how refreshing it is to see a new creative vision. Anyone who says otherwise will share the same fate as Marvel Studios naysayers.

ADDITION: The Legend of Zelda for Wii U will be released near the end of the year. Much like 1998, the contest for GOTY will be between a Metal Gear Solid game and a Zelda game. Once again, Nintendo will win, unless CD Projekt pulls off the upset win. Also, Starfox for the Wii U will be amazing, but not GOTY material.

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